estrogen & epithets

Yes, this is a terrible little form poem, compliments of one of my English professors. (The Shakespeare professor, as a matter of fact. I'm still wondering why we couldn't have written a sonnet or something, you know, just a tad more Shakespearean.) But, it was fun to write anyway.

Kelsea--

Simple, robust, exquisite, and plain;
Sister of a girl who can make a meal of anything, a guy who is a preheating pro, and a man who knows his way around a wok;
Lover of saucy retorts, crusty bread, and a spicy bit of something;
Who feels fed up, chewed out, and hungry for more;
Who needs eight glasses of water, twelve hundred calories, and vitamin C;
Who gives good morning pancakes, late afternoon chapatti, and good-bye brownies;
Who fears poultry, peelers, and Cuisinart;
Who would like to see Julia Child’s kitchen, Adam with a sixty-four ounce steak, and Bourdain in her boudoir;
Who lives eight hundred miles from a Voodoo Donut;

--Jones.